Today, I learned a word of Spanish

Dear hospital complaint person,

On Wednesday evening my wife and I were attending a Breastfeeding class at Illinois Masonic. Our letter directed us to check in at the hospital's main information desk before going to the classroom. This was at about 6:30 - 6:45 pm. The two young men directed us towards the education center, and as we began to walk away, I heard one of them utter the word "cabron," in what I felt was our general direction. Neither of us are Spanish-speakers, so when we went home, we Googled the word, and discovered it had a number of
unsavory connotations. This made us upset. I know that if I were to make a similar kind of utterance at my own job in the direction of any of my patrons, I would likely face some sort of discipline in the near future. We are very disappointed that this occurred, and hope that we do not face similar situations as we visit Illinois Masonic in the months leading up to the delivery of our first child.

Sincerely, Bedheaded

The writing and sending of the above is a big deal to me, because whenever something like this happens to me, I spend a lot of time ranting and raving about it. This is really the first time I've decided to direct that anger into a complaint letter. My fear is that from this point forward, I'll be one of those people that writes letters whenever anything happens to them. Maybe the next step in that progression is to become one of those people who calls their lawyer whenever something happens to them.

To prove I'm not that much of a "cabron," here are some choice tracks from Mr. Secret Agent Man, Johnny Rivers, and a bonus cut from my favorite Rolling Stones record (yes, way more than Exile on Main Street, which would come in second for me...what can I say, I'm a sucker for big pop hooks, especially big pop hooks specifically requested by the Lord of the Flies). You know, for having as successful a pop music career as Johnny Rivers had, he sure had a warbly, almost-tuneless voice.

Johnny Rivers - "Whiter Shade of Pale"

Johnny Rivers - "Baby I Need Your Lovin'"

Johnny Rivers - "Summer Rain"
From The Johnny Rivers Anthology: 1964-1977 [Rhino, 1991]

The Rolling Stones - "She's a Rainbow"
From Their Satanic Magesties Request [ABKCO, 1967]


The only thing we have to fear is....AAAAHHHH! FEAR!!!!

Remember 9/11? Remember how frequently after 9/11 the following proposition would be made: "if we allow X to happen, then the terrorists have won"? Would it be overstating things to say "if we allow a hare-brained marketing campaign for a stoner-friendly cartoon show to bring a major American city to its knees, then the terrorists have won?" I didn't think so, so here goes: the terrorists have won. Which is amazing, because I sincerely doubt the terrorists would be that into Aqua Teen Hunger Force, though their interest in Danish cartoons has been noted by several major media outlets.

Though if you've seen those Mooninites in action, maybe one ought to be afraid...I mean, their vertical leap is beyond all measurement. We should be relieved that it was Ignigknot and not Err....

You know, I don't want to seem like I'm belittling what is obviously genuine panic and fear being felt by Bostonians, but when you hear stuff like the following being said by apparently reasonable people, you have to marvel at the hysteria this little episode has caused:

"Just a little over a mile away from the placement of the first device, a group of terrorists boarded airplanes and launched an attack on New York City," [Boston] police Commissioner Edward Davis said in an interview with The Associated Press.

"The city clearly did not overreact. Had we taken any other steps, we would have been endangering the public," he said. (Link)

Well, not to make anybody panic any more than the already are, but the Chicago Tribune just reported that actual, honest-to-goodness pipe bombs, or as they call them in Iraq, "improvised explosive devices", were sent to offices in Chicago and Kansas City the last few days:

Though [Kansas City Postal Inspector Don] Obritsch described Wednesday's bomb as an "actual I.E.D., improvised explosive device,'' he said it appeared more designed to frighten than kill.

"This was the real deal, but it was not primed to go off,'' Obritsch said. ``To some extent, it was a device meant to scare people.'' (Link)

Are the people of America scared? I should be scared...one of those bombs was sent to a building not one block north of the one I work in. But I don't know, I'm not home to see if MSNBC or any other major media outlet is currently providing blanket coverage of this apparently genuine attempt to strike fear in the hearts of everyday Americans. However, I wouldn't be at all surprised if any of those media outlets are currently devoting precious airtime dissecting the aftermath of the brazen Mooninite terror campaign.